Friday, April 25, 2008

Of letters and feathery things.

Our canary, Izzy, is currently alive and well ( that is the sound of heartfelt and vehement knocking on wood that you hear).

In face, the avian vet (thanks for suggesting that fosterabba, he was worth every penny of the $72 exam) says that he is actually quite a big and robust canary.

The vet also figures that he probably won't drop dead just from being exposed to me.
(This is good to hear because I was, you know, beginning to wonder.)

Our air quality report ($140) came back and we rated as average for fungus and bacteria - most of it probably brought into the house from the outside ---- but since I ran out and bought a true hepa filter air cleaner ($120), I'm going to darn well believe it has improved.

Bird lady has been kept up to date and is calmer. Yay!


AAAAANNNNDDDDD, screechin in on the heels of that fun stuff ---- in other news....we just received a package of letters and cards from Birthmom.

Our first ever direct-ish contact with her.
Between just you and I?
It freaks me out.

She calls them her angels, our youngest daugher is her princess, she wants them to write to her and to send them pictures...and she wants to see them in less than a month and I don't want her to be in their lives that fast and that intensely and......I sound a little resentful and whiny don't I?

Probably, because I am, a little.

Birth Grandma gave me a heads up that the mail was coming and I sent a three page letter and pictures off to the government office that deals with this....
now I will send off another short one with better pictures...

and try and deal with the fall out, obvious and not so obvious that is shaken loose for my youngest two.

Having contact is the RIGHT thing.
It is the only thing - as long as the kids are not at any kind of actual physical risk - and I don't think they will be...

but oh, I wish I could protect them and me and us and...

I'm a little afraid, because I feel like, especially with our youngest, that we are so tenuous so much of the time...we are just beginning to really connect...

Big, calming breath in.
I'll spend a few minutes getting over myself (hah! or years) and go and make dinner.

8 comments:

ipm said...

wow, that is a big deal...

contact, yes, good. but I know I'd be just as nervous as you...

cause yeah, fallout... all on your shoulders...

will keep you all, including that robust canary, in my thoughts and prayers...

Granny said...

So I wonder which will be more difficult for your little ones - contact or no contact?

I hope it goes well for all of you. It's not an easy thing, is it.

FosterAbba said...

I'm glad the avian vet was helpful. As for the contact from the birth family, I so understand what you are going through. Our daughter's extended family members have been writing, and it makes me uneasy because they want face-to-face contact. The "good" news, at least in our case, is that the county is not supporting that form of contact. Of course we are in a different spot than you, since we aren't anywhere near finalization.

Cloudscome said...

Hang on to the knowledge that your air quality is good. I can imagine how scary it is but you have a deep reservoir and you will do fine with this. In the end it will be good I think.

hw said...

I'm so glad things are okay on the canary front. I was rooting for you in the blog-o-sphere.

And, birth mom contact. I can only imagine how you feel right now.

Our birth mom found us through the internet this past winter. She contacted us, looked up our house and home phone number, and tried to see the kids - by suggesting she should show up at an event we'd be at.

She never did see the kids. They aren't ready for that. We're not ready for that. It would have undone any progress of the previous year for us. And, so much was revealed in her initial contact phone conversation with us that didn't sit right with us.

In the end, we had to make the hardest decision I've made to date. We didn't let her see the kids. And we haven't told the kids that she's contacted us.

hw said...

I meant to leave that off with, I think that was the best decision for our family.

Whatever you chose to do, do it because you think it's best. Don't get guilted into doing something that you don't think is in the best interest of your kids and the whole family.

Diane said...

We will be facing that same frustrating decision somewhere down the road. We hope to adopt our foster daughter, age 11, and we don't plan on allowing visits with her birth mom afterwards. I know - we are taught that keeping in contact is best for the kids unless there is risk of physical inury. I beg to differ with that teaching. What about the birth mom who just constantly fills her daughter's head with garbage, lies, hopes that mom can not possibly come through on, manipulative comments, etc, etc, etc. I refuse to let all of the time that we have spent trying to get our foster daughter to live within a "normal" family life go right down the toilet. Right now birth mom gets one visit per month as we hopefully are heading toward termination. Even that one visit causes much stress and turmoil within A.'s head and causes her to often act out after the visit.
Do whatever you know is best for your children. You do not have to allow them to see their birth mom. It is NOT always the best thing to do.

Diane
www.fosterfamilytalk.com

That one chick said...

*lurker delurking*

I do hope everything's all right and it's just the busy summer keeping you from blogging!!