Friday, April 4, 2008

without wings

Tough day here.

At shortly before 3pm, I loaded my two youngest into the van to take them to the park and take pictures and play. My cel phone rang before I could pull away from our front curb and I could hear my oldest daughter's panicky voice talking about her pet bird having just fallen off her perch and was dead.

This is the second bird in as many weeks.

We are a bit shattered and in no small part because we just don't know WHY.

Four weeks ago we got a pair of canaries for my oldest daughter, two weeks and a hundred and thirty dollars in emergency vet bills later, the male died. We couldn't figure out why. We went over everything again and again.

The lady who gave us the pair, brought over another little male a few days later and gave us detailed instructions on helping the new pair - and she went over everything that might have caused a problem too - there was nothing any of us could figure out.

They were kept clean, they had fresh water and food everyday, they were covered at night, they were warm enough, had fresh veggies, played them classical music....

My poor girl.
She is so devastated.
She had just been sitting and watching them for an hour or so, when the little female gave an odd sound, fluttered her wings and fell to the bottom of the cage dead.

Now we have one.
I want to send him back to the Bird Lady he came from, I am so fearful he will die too.

Normally, I would say we are good with pets. We love them, we don't stint on their care, they are a huge part of our lives but right now I feel a little like we have been cursed.

It was made even more awful by my youngest daughter, who can not stand to have attention given to anyone else much of the time and now, as we lead up to her birthday she is barely holding together emotionally. She struggled desperately to make the drama all about her.
And I am already sick to death of her because she is caught up in making sure I don't go anywhere without her and if I do she makes everyone else (particularly her siblings) suffer till I come back. She stares at me and follows me constantly except when we are out at a social function and then she acts like I don't exist. I must be under her control at all times and I must prove over and over again that I won't leave but she is going to do everything in her power to make me miserable so I will leave.

And we lowered her ADHD med dosage so she is far more unfocused and impulsive, because she wasn't sleeping hardly at all and looked like a zombie for the last few weeks.

Her bio brother is taking his cue from her and they are winding each other up into high pitched, frenzied giggling behaviours that go on and on and have no point or meaning.

Oh and our guinea pig has cancer.
Seven years old, which is like incredibly freaking old for a gpig.
BTW, a vet checkup, xray and antibiotics for a guinea pig, that is 270 bucks that was Wednesday.


Same old, same old - just really intense right now.

Did I mention that I am training for a 50k run.
Because I am nuts?
But if I don't train for it, I think I will go nuts that much faster?

Not all bad, not by a long shot.

Just tired, and sad and tired, and rubbed raw and tired and overwhelmed by a world where little birds die for no apparent reason, little girls are left behind by their Moms and don't/can't even begin to process it.


M&Co. said...

Oh dear! It sounds like y'all are having a rough time. It's sad to lose a pet, but to lose two in succession. That's really hard.

I'm trying to figure out how far a 50K race would be. Preparing for it might help relieve some of your stress.

I was hoping to run a 5K before I got sick in FEBRUARY and my running got derailed. I must begin running again.

FosterAbba said...

I am sorry for all your troubles. I wish things were going a little more smoothly for you.

Yondalla said...

I'm sorry about the birds. I don't know much about the, except that they can be very fragile and die without a cause we can determine. We had a friend who really tried to keep finches, but it just didn't work out.

It's been a long time for Little Sister, hasn't it? I would have hoped that she would begin to relax a little.

Does she ever leave you? I know you home school, which is great, but it also means she doesn't have the daily experience of separating from you because she is going somewhere. I don't know if having somewhere to go on a regular basis where she is the one doing the leaving would make a difference or not. I'm grasping at straws here.

I hope it gets better.

Enjoy the run.

Cloudscome said...

Oh I am sorry you are having so much all at once. The poor birdies! Maybe it's a virus or something? How sad and frustrating.

I am amazed at you running a 50K. I think it's good therapy though, if your body can handle it. Good thinking, processing, just plain BEing time, while out in fresh air.

Praying for flowers and sunshine and good sleeps for all of you this weekend.

Lisa V said...

Hey, I am so sorry about all of this.

Assvice, melatonin helps my ADD kids sleep much better.

Granny said...

You've really been through it, haven't you. I'm so sorry about the birdies. I remember when your older girl lost her other pet bird and how sad you all were. It's so darn hard to lose a pet.

I'm with Foster Abba. I hope things settle down for you, sooner rather than later.