Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Adoption

Yesterday was the final visit from our social worker.
At least, it should be the last one.

We had to redo the paperwork for our youngest two kids' last names.

They were hoping to be able to keep their birth last names and also take both of our family names but it turns out that 3 or 4 surnames freaks the government out and we were told that they had to pick 2 at the most.

So that mean that they decided to keep their original first and middle names, incorporate their original last names as more middle names and to take on both my last name and my husband's last names as their last names.

Simple, no?
No.

But it works for us and it makes sense to us and it feels right.

So as an example, Buddy has gone from:

Buddy Middlename Lastname Lastname

to

Buddy Middlename Middlename Middlename Lastname Lastname.

Still clear as mud?

Well then, let's move on.

Now all we are waiting for will be the papers in the mail that will tell us that we are legally a family.
Till then I still have to carry the papers that say I am allowed to act as their mother but for important decisions their social worker must be contacted.

Can I just say that although I understand the rules and intellectually it makes sense etc. etc. that it makes me crazy?
Good, because I just said it.

Yondalla emailed me about a comment that I left at her wonderful blog about a really important post, this morning and as a part of it she asked me, "I understand that on your blog you don't talk about the youngers as adopted or newer, but how is the adjustment going?".

That made me think about how I do talk, on blog. or anywhere, about my two youngest children.

It is kind of weird territory for me to traverse right now.

See, they are my kids.
When I talk about my older kids, I have never spent time identifying them as my biological children, I know they are, I was there and most of the time other people don't need to know where I sourced any of them...

but then maybe they do.

We are not ashamed of adoption or foster care or any of that.
In fact we are proud of our children and where they came from and of our family.

Even more than ever before I KNOW that there is more than one amazing, magical, permanent way to have kids.

Maybe it is something I need to add into the header or the about me part of this blog to make it clearer that we have grown through adoption.

Yeah. I think I will go do that right now.

Anyway, on Mother's Day, I lit a candle at church celebrating all the mothers that my youngest, soon to be legally ours, kids have had. I think they appreciated it. I know they were relieved when I said that I was thinking about all their Moms and I expected that they were too.

Our family is one of mixed origins and I am trying to figure out how to achieve the right balance of privacy and pride about that and that has been reflected here in cyberspace - my whole life is a work in progress.

Now onto the actual question of how is the adjustment going -

Sometimes I want to just shrug my shoulders and say that I really don't know because I don't have a darn thing to compare it too.

Other times, especially the ones that have a high level of sleep deprivation - I want to clutch the shirt front of whoever is asking and tearfully shriek that it is going to HELL in a bright flashing handbasket.

Our social worker yesterday said that she was impressed with us.
Mostly I am too.

All six of us work hard to figure stuff out and to be good to each other.

I am truly in awe of my children.
Their compassion, their tenacity, their courage, their humour and their good sense.

And I am utterly humbled by them.

Last week I was talking to them about maybe, someday, adding more kids to our family. My youngest (adopted) daughter said, well, maybe we could foster babies. My oldest (bio) daughter, wrinkled her nose and said "We don't FOSTER, we adopt!".
(NO, no, no...she doesn't look down on fostering, she just identifies with adopting - which is a pretty big thing in and of itself).

Last night our youngest daughter struggled through the years of not talking about how she feels to choke out that she thinks that she shouldn't have had to have so much happen to her already.
My husband rocked her in his arms and told her that she was right. Someone who is 8years old should not have had to move so much and have so many different parents.

That my friends, right there is a miracle.
Actually two.
Twice yesterday she came to us to try and put words on the overwhelming feelings inside of her.
I have goosebumps writing that.

Where can I possibly go from there?

I don't deserve what I have but I'll be damned if anyone is going to take it away from me!

7 comments:

Yondalla said...

Okay...first I laughed so loud at the "going to HELL in a bright flashing handbasket" comment that people looked into my office to see if I was okay. (Yes, Bad Yondalla is reading at work.)

I love how you manage to talk about how wonderful and how incredibly difficult it all is.

AND I get your daughter's commitment to adopting. It is good that we do different things. We desperately need that.

I'm pretty impressed with all your kids. It sounds like they have all grown so very much.

ipodmomma said...

...in a bright flashing hand basket!! that is priceless... :)))

and all that you have you so lovingly deserve, and no one can take it from you... wonderful to read that the adoption is nearly done, paperwork wise... yeah!

Granny said...

All those names will be good handwriting practice.

And of course you deserve what you have just as your kids do.

Your "going to HELL", etc. reminded me of when I first "met" you on BB and was so impressed (and more than a little in awe) by your originality.

I didn't even have to read the signature at the bottom to know who it was.

Nothing has changed.

Bacchus said...

Oh My Gawdess!! I can't believe you are finalizing. I started reading your blog when you were just beginning the matching process. Hubby and I had just started it. It was so hard to explain to people about it and then I found this wonderful, creative and funny woman writing. Here we are now, both of us have been overwhelmed and overjoyed with the new additions to our familiy. We are both so close to the end of the paperwork stage and just be parents.

Thank you for all of your writing!

Lionmom said...

You made me cry with your articulate description. I miss talking to you and I'm always glad to hear how it is going. I think you have done an amazing job.

As far as finalizing, you don't go to court? You'll just get it in the mail?

cloudscome said...

I had to click over here from bloglines to see how you would describe it in the header LOL. I wonder how to say it, or if I need to say it myself at times. I think most people guess, but I'm not sure what gives it away. LOL

Jo said...

You say it soooo well! Exactly. Moments of bright flashing ahem, and moments of bright sunlight and you feel like somehow you don't what you did to deserve all this love and life but you are soooo glad. Final. Wonderful word.