Tuesday, January 8, 2008

joint's a jumping

This morning, I left the children in the waiting room and dashed into the playtherapist's office, flung myself on the overstuffed couch and demanded that she tell me whether or not my littlest girl was one of the most manipulative creatures on the face of the earth or not.

Pathetic of me, I know.

But I don't care, because when she laughed and reassured me that it was indeed the case, I felt a weight lift off of me and I was able to, almost immediately, become a better parent again.

So few people get it what it is like to swim with a shark 24/7 when everyone around you is cooing at it like it is a baby duck.

And after a while, my coping technique of "screw 'em and feed 'em fisheads" just doesn't cut it.

So at breakfast time, I didn't like the kid, didn't know how I was going to manage for the next ten minutes without snarling at her or running away from her and by lunch time was capable of not just loving her but liking her too.

That ain't a bad thing.

Youngest son is winding himself up, his birthday is Thursday and that would be an intense time for anyone who has been through the fostercare/loss of birth family warp that he has - except his is even more intense because it is also the 4th anniversary of his bmom going AWOL and he and his sister being taken into fostercare.
He is holding up pretty darn well, considering - even using words to come and tell me about his fear of losing everything that hits him hard around this time each year. What a kid.
Anyway, I figured out that going out to a photography club meeting on the evening of his birthday might not be a wise idea and when I checked that out with him today, his eyes went very wide - "I would freak RIGHT OUT!".
Yeah. I get it.
I am staying home.
No skin of my nose.

Having both the older kids home is ssooooooo damn nice.
Love it, don't know if I will ever be ready for them to be gone away again.
Hoping to make more time to spend with them on a weekly and daily basis.

Oh and I did okay on the not yelling anymore thing, except, um....on Sunday night when I ended up shrieking at my husband.

So, so far 0 yelling at the kids, 1 yelling at the husband.

And I gained two pounds.
Dang it.

But like, it doesn't actually matter either.
This weight thing does weird things to my brain.

Okay, I think my brain was kind of weird to begin with.
But I want to stop buying and eating products with aspartame in it.
I don't think it is good for me.

Hopefully going for an outside run tomorrow, if it all works out.
Husband had his first day of teaching students at the local post secondary institution today.
It was a big deal for him and I am proud of him.
He is sort of the professor to my gilligan.

1 comment:

MommyNay said...

"So few people get it what it is like to swim with a shark 24/7 when everyone around you is cooing at it like it is a baby duck."

I love you for saying this. This is exactly how I feel about Emily(our 4yr old RAD) Its so hard for me to even TRY and explain it to anyone without myself sounding petty and rediculous. Shes so good at manipulating that *I* look bad for ever trying to point it out. It is such a frustrating position to be in as a mom.