Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What is red and puffy, itchy and tender all at the same time?

My hive.

This is the second time in my life that I can remember getting a hive.
If there isn't a third, I'm okay with that.

At least this one isn't on my face, although I have to say that my upper chestal area isn't a wild improvement.

I have tried some of the leftover cortisone cream we have kicking around the house without much effect - that was when I still thought it was some freaky allergic reaction to something unknown.

Then I realized that it was bigger and less pleasant when I was more tired and stressed than usual.

Hmmmm.
Let's see in the last two weeks:

- there was my uncle's death, shock and grief
-my father's manipulative behaviours,
-the discovery that a friend has a very serious medical issue
-the reappearance of Obie
- a few incidences at my church that remind me once more that no matter how much I want it to be otherwise, that community is fallible and very short sighted when it comes to many things but in particular, the children of our congregation.
Which is of course, the area I am most heavily invested in.
- my brother's phonecall that included the information that he and his wife thought about asking me to look after their oldest daughter for a few days while they were called out of town but chose my father instead.
I live 5 kilometres away and have never used a belt on anyone, let alone a child and have never thrown my brother out onto the street at any age, let alone when he was 15.
My father lives 6 hours away, and well you can glean some of the rest.

So, hive, I understand where you have come from, but I would like you to go away now.

Lying in bed this morning thinking about it, I reminded myself that I would get to a point where I felt normal good again, it would just take some time.

Actually it was a bit like a conversation:
Me: I know it will take some time, but can't it be really short,?I'm ready to be over it now.
Me: You need to let yourself feel the pain before you can let it go.
Me: Yeah, but um, I've felt it, notice the hive? So I'm all about being done with this.
Me: Well it is healthy to not want to hang onto pain and that is a good sign - it will leave when it is ready.
Me: No, it will leave when I am ready but I get that it might not be as fast as I want.

Sigh.

Gotta go and NOT scratch it.