Usually when I have written about having had a rough go for a few days, it is because of something going on with the kids -
Not this time, it has been me.
Angry, growly, grumpy, snappish, testy - call it what you like and I probably would have answered.
Today it is better, finally better.
I don't know for sure it just is and I am so damn grateful not to be looking into the black hole.
Sure I feel vaguely icky in a headachey, queasy kind of way, but it is such an improvement over the emotional morass that I was dabbling my toes in, that I actual welcome it.
My uncle's death did shake me up, grieving is really never anyone's idea of a good time but it was my interactions with my father that gave it all an extra hard spin.
Maybe what has helped is reading my uncle's obituary, well it was an article really, that ran in the small, small hometown newspaper:
Uncle Gawdess passed away at the hospital in faraway city.
He was born in small, small town in 1954.
He will be lovingly remembered by his siblings.
He also will be missed by many nieces and nephews.
He loved sports; he played fastball with the Tiny Town Team and umpired in the district. He also was known as a pretty good curler and a good stock car announcer, and was active in the Social Club.
He worked in smallest town and in slightly farther away small townf before moving to the faraway city in the 1980's.
He enjoyed people very much, and always had a smile and a story or a joke to tell. We all know how much Uncle Gawdess loved to sing and recite his favourite poetry.
(And my favourite line of all)
Uncle Gawdess has come home!
I don't know - I just find it hard to feel too unhappy after reading that.
Sure I cried, a lot.
But I also laughed.
How could I not?
My uncle "has come home!", complete with exclamation mark.
The local paper said so.