Wednesday, November 14, 2007


The gawdess is in a pis*sy mood.


Could be hormonal.

Could be that we are hemmoraging money.
(Guess how much it cost to have shots done for 4 dogs? Yeah, you in the front row? $400? How did you know that?)

Or it could be spiritual in nature.
Church sucks butt.
This is not a new thing but yesterday it got ratcheted up a couple of degrees.

Turns out that somecow is telling the board that I maybe trying to rewrite my job description (I co-ordinate and teach Sunday School) without consulting with anyone else.

It is all a bit crazy, but what it comes down to, is that my interest in expanding the from just working with children at church to working with youth and adults, messes with this other person's agenda about what is most important for the church.

Silly me, I figure that finding out what the congregation wants and NOT manipulating it for my own weird personal gratification, is most important.

Anyway, I will be putting in my resignation at the end of this month and right now I feel a peculiar blend of unhappiness and relief.

And I feel kind of stupid.
I wanted church, this church and this place to be different.
Lifted above the morass of petty oneupmanship and of course it isn't.

And I want to smack some people and have a dramatic showdown with lots of cool cutting comments (on my part of course) and leave justified devastation behind me.

Fantasy is a good thing sometimes.

Tomorrow, the gawdess will strive to be happy once again.


Yondalla said...

Oh...I think I really understand.

We left a church that I loved years ago because sexuality became an issue. They ran off the pastor and seemed surprised when we, parents of a gay son, said that could not attend a church where I son would be denied full participation rights (if he ever asked for them).

We picked a new church just because it was "different." They seemed healthier, nicer, committed to social justice. Just better. And it was hard because they weren't liturgical and there were no candles and they didn't usually sing the hymns I grew up with. So much that was meaningful to me wasn't there -- but there were good people committed to social justice.

And then they turned out to be regular people who could be petty and mean. And in my head I know that it is unreasonable to expect that 300 people will all be NICE all the time, but in my heart I am still hurt.

I have had a very hard time going back.

(Oh, and how much does it cost to find out that your cat is dying of kidney failure and not anything contagious and then have her put down gently? Answer: $250. Pets are outrageously expensive!)

Susan said...

We often feel that ministry would be so much easier if it weren't for the people! We are deeply involved with children's ministry at church right now and I love the kids, but hate the politics. For many years we went to a small "home church" and it was awesome. People just talked things out and we all worked together to keep our vision as a congregation. The church disbanded a while back and I really miss it. We are at a big church now and I'm not loving it!

FosterAbba said...

Church (or in my case synagogue) politics suck. This is why we no longer actively participate in congregational life.